You know who you are…
You’re the ones (like me) who are always analyzing the flow of traffic, looking for the swiftest route through the sea of other vehicles. You’re an aggressive driver. Not (always) on the verge of road rage, you just want to get where you’re going – and attack the task with surgical precision.
The bane of your existence is the oblivious driver who is ALWAYS in everyone else’s way. The one who is actually going the speed limit. Or slower (The pedal under your RIGHT foot, stupid!). The ones who seem to be focused on anything but the all-important task at hand – driving. There are lots of stereotypes about this and I’m not going to regurgitate them here, but suffice it to say the stereotypes don’t exist without ample statistical support. As someone who has been riding motorcycles (mostly Harleys) for over 50 years, I know what to look out for.
For a long time, but brand to avoid was the dreaded Volvo. Decades went by with the Volvo at the head of the pack. Literally – because it was the slowest car on the road and everyone else was backed up behind it. A paradigm shift took place sometime in the mid-to-late 90s when Volvo jettisoned the boxy style and hideous color scheme for a swoopy-doopy and metallic approach. Volvo suddenly surged to the forefront of automotive design and apparently jettisoned the slower than molasses in January group of drivers attracted to the original mold. It took some time for the those of us who actually have someplace we want to get to – to adjust. We could no longer count on the Volvo being the predictable Road Slug. The rules had changed almost overnight. WTF?
The king is dead.
Long live the King.
At some point after that – and I can’t pin down exactly when – a new contender assumed the Road Slug throne. Over time it became apparent that Toyota somehow had slowly, yet inexorably become the vehicle of choice for the terminally distracted, dimwitted, thoroughly confused, scared shitless and downright rude cadre of poor drivers on the road.
You know the ones.
- The driver that occupies the middle lane doing the speed limit or less.
- The one that turns left (or right) from the middle lane.
- The one that merges well below the speed limit.
- The one that puts on their turn signal AFTER slowing down for 50 feet – then pulling into the turn lane.
- The one that slowing WAY down to change lanes rather than accelerating to create a space.
- The one who brakes for hallucinations.
Whenever I see a Toyota tearing down the road, changing lanes to maintain speed – I assume it’s STOLEN.
The only thing worse than a Toyota is a GOLD Toyota.
(You know I’m right)
Or a Toyota with GOLD trim.
And of course Lexus has to get in the act from time to time. More often than just occasionally… (For the terminally slow-as-hell driver with more $$$ than a Toyota driver.)
Who thinks this is cool?
Or a Toyota Minivan. I avoid these like the plague. Getting near one of these is like asking to me maimed / killed in the next quarter mile.
I’m always amused by Toyota commercials lately. Their current slogan is “Let’s go places” – they should add “SLOWLY” at the end.
#Toyota #slowdriver #baddriver #roadrage #leadfoot #RoadSlug #Volvo #WTF